What the F... Huck!?!

Darwin Wept! -or- What a Sad State W'ere In!?!

2006-08-21T16:27:00.000-05:00

Well, it makes me want to cry. Unfortunately, most of you out there apparently don't find it as depressing as the rest of the educated world; and that, my fellow Americans, is what makes it even worse.

So sad...

I Am A Huge Bush Fan

2006-08-21T09:12:00.000-05:00

...Sam Bush, that is.

And what'ya know? He turns out to be my 2nd official Nashville Celeb sighting since moving here over a year and a half ago.

I noticed him while waiting in line at the Belle Meade Liquor Store on friday, after picking up my weekend standard bottle of Il Bastardo table wine.

Goddamnit! I love this town!

A Rapid Social Devolution

2006-08-18T14:04:00.000-05:00

I’m starting to sense the negative affects on my social skills that a life of self-induced introversion has lent me. I said the most asinine thing I think I could have said today, something I haven’t said since I was yukin’ it up in a fraternity in college. I don’t know why I said it. I don’t know how it came to cross my lips. I thought I had put such offenses to pasture long ago. It’s the work, I tell you. It’s the family obligations. It’s the long-distanced seclusion a life in Fairview has brought me. I hate that I said what I said. I hate that it came out of my mouth like it was something I would use in my everyday rants. Please believe me. I’m not a bastard. I swear. I don’t talk like that. Ok, maybe I did at one time, but not now.

Still…
Maybe it is still buried in me like a sleeping retrovirus waiting to burst from my gut and consume me with bigoted boils and judgmental bruises. Maybe I’m only kidding myself – the indoctrination of my upbringing and cultural biases can never be truly overcome or bettered. Maybe my subconscious still harbors such negatives.

Surely not, though. Right? Surely, that wouldn’t happen to an enlightened, somewhat educated schmuck like me, and yet, there is no denying that the words did come from my own mouth. I can’t deny it. There was a witness. She heard me say it. She heard me say, “God that’s so gay!”; and then it was silent.

I am sorry.

One More Wako Liberal Conspiracy, Right?

2006-08-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

"They [fireants], along with armadillos*, are spreading northward from warmer climes. "

Strange...
I wonder why. Hmmm? Oh, I don't know...
Could it be...

GLOBAL WARMING!?!

Hmmmm?

*Thanks for the link, Aunt B!

Brought To You By The Number Four

2006-07-18T15:52:00.000-05:00

That's right four. Today brings my count of armadillo sightings to a big fat four since moving here a year and a half ago from Birmingham. Of course, sadly, every last one of them have been of either the flat or swollen variety, as each of them were waiting to be cleaned up by convicts on a road-crew detail. Even so, their tell-tale concentric plates and fat hairy tails, as always, are reliable calling cards when one is counting his armadillo road kills.

Yep. Four.

***Out of guilt and blinding fear I've decided to change my armadillo picture since the original was copywritten by some guy called Caddylak.

Alright, Who'd I Miss?

2006-07-14T16:41:00.000-05:00

Just finished adding new links to my blogroll. Who'd I miss? Speak now or forever blah blah blah...

Um, Bans Are Bad. M'kay?

2006-07-13T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am sorry, but it is obviously high time for a little tough love. A lot of my liberal friends out there are not going to like what I have to say right now, but this story** makes me want to force feed a bleeding heart to the first animal rights activist I smell.

OK. I understand. You are a good-for-nuthin’ hippy slacker like myself, and you are too lazy to read the article linked above. No problem. I can relate. I don’t hate you for that. No, I am fucking disgusted with your sorry sanctimonious ass for agreeing with what the City of Chicago has done. It is not cool, not in any fucking way shape or form to ban any fucking food on this here fucking planet. Especially, and I repeat, especially if it is good fucking food like foie gras.

I am sorry if the poor little geesy-poos are getting overfed. Truly, I am. I am sorry that their ripe swollen livers are ripped from their cute round yummy-nummy-tummykins and are substituted for potted-meat by embarrassingly pretentious housewives. But. I am not sorry when it is used by a skilled chef to prepare a divinely inspired plate of rich buttery goodness. Call me callous, if you will. I'll toast that sentiment with a glass of crocodile tear cabernet.

Seriously, what is wrong with you people? Foie gras tastes really really good, and not only that; but can’t you see that when you ban something, anything, you are no better than any other run-o’-the-mill slop-swilling fascist? I suppose veal is next, hmmm? Then we’ll return to the boiled lobster debate? Then what? Will we start banning all meats that were not duly “processed” by way of lethal injection?

A few tips, my fellow liberals. The reason why you are not finding a foothold in certain debates with the 3-headed aliens on the right, is that some of us, well really you in particular, pal, have our own 3-headed alien ideas.

Here are a few of them:

Don’t tell people what they can or can’t eat. Enough said.
Don’t tell people that animals can’t be tested. Especially when everything you have consumed, everything you’ve worn, and yes, everything you’ve used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases was tested and will continue to be tested with and by the animals you wuv.
Don’t tell people where they can or cannot smoke. It only makes the Libertarians want to sit closer to your table, and honestly, who is ready for that nightmare.
And, yes I am sorry, but please; do not tell people that they shouldn’t use animals in sports. Don’t get me wrong. Some banned animal sports are pure jack-booted evil, such as dog fighting, and bear baiting, etc, but the focus of those sports is to invoke harm to one or more animals. They are inherently cruel by their nature. But come on – horseracing*? No decent person wants those horses to be hurt. That’s why we invoke regulations on these sports, not bans. Besides, what would we do with the horses we didn’t race? Cook ‘em and eat ‘em? Just as long as we didn’t force-feed them, right?

Anyway, I digress, but my point is that bans like these are what give us liberals a bad name. This is the fuel that keeps the Fox News witch-fires burning. This is how they come up with those cute little nicknames that roll so easily off a redneck’s tongue. Duh… This is why we are losing so many of our sisters and brothers to the Libertarian abyss.

So, please, I implore you. At least think about it before you get behind something as silly as a foie gras ban. It really is up to you. Eat more force-fed goose today, because only you can prevent Ann Coulter from making the best seller list again tomorrow.

>>>

*My apologies to Brittney in misinterpreting her position on the animal sports issue. Her clarification of her position is explained within the comments of this post.

**...and my apologies to Sarcastro for not including the link from where I was first clued in to the Chicago story. So there.

You People are Freaking Lunatics

2006-07-07T16:44:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah, I went to your "blogger meet-up" last night, and all I can say is that the proper authorities have been notified, and they will be paying you all a visit quite shortly.

In the meantime, I have a few words for you sick animals:

Short and Fat, Dude! Do us all a favor and catch the South Beach wave. Please! The party was all about you - wall to wall you. Seriously. I don’t care how cool you turned out to be in person, but damn, lay off of the Krispy Kremes for a while. I mean, damn.

Listen up, Mary Mancini. I am sorry, but for the last time, no. No, I will not have your love-child. I don’t care how much you cry and beg. I am a married man, for Chrysakes! You have to face the truth. It is too late for us. ...*sniff*

Um… I don’t know who the brilliant lame-dick was who brought the drunken baboon with them, but not only did the thing smell like warmed ass, but I don’t think Rex L Camino appreciated having his leg humped all night either.

Jon Jackson, if that really is your name. I don’t know what you did with the calm and collected guy who once wrote Crap and Drivel, but you need to bring it down a few levels, dude. I mean, humping Camino’s leg like that, well, it just wasn’t cool.

Somebody seriously needs to hunt down and kill that Sarcastro fucker. He nearly amputated my entire arm playing his little elevator games. At least I still have parts of my fingers. Having any problem typing your post this morning, Sarc? Probably not. You didn’t type your post with BLOODY FUCKING NUBS! Did you!?!

You know, Gandolph Mantooth, come to think of it, I don’t think you did actually smell smoke when you screamed “FIRE!”. If I didn’t know any better, I think you were just trying to get away from listening to me yammer on about the weather. Nawwww.

Chris Wage, you sir are a madman. The way you fought off those gun nuts, when they began firing their AKs into the glass atrium, proves you are either the bravest son-uva-bitch I have ever seen, or a bloody psychopath. Judging by poor Blake’s gnawed-off ear, I’ll go with the latter.

Thank sweet sweet Jesus, Newscoma and Squirrels on Snark showed up when they did. Together with SoS’s gift for triage and Newscoma’s saintly bed manner, they were able to save a few of the boys. I don’t know how they did it. There was no way in hell the gun nuts could have survived that much blood loss, but some did.

Thanks also to Roger Abramson’s quick thinking in jerry-rigging the massive uber bong on the fly. Nice craftsmanship, dude. Before that, I thought we were going to have to keep smoking spliffs rolled from Aunt B’s napkin cooters and her brother’s “oregano” stash. Next time, though, Krumm needs to bring his own. Puff puff give, my friend, puff puff give.

Of course, then everything got really weird. Kat started screaming hysterically about tiny clowns crawling up and down her legs. Amanda started kicking Darth Vader’s ass. Rachel began making molatov cocktails out of Sarcastro’s half empty bourbon bottles for use in her “revolution”. Then Ceeelcee began complaining about how the barbecue that was served wasn’t up to Mothership standards, and then decided to light poor Brittney and Kleinheider on fire, chanting, “Where there’s smoke there’s Q, bitch! Where there’s smoke there’s Q!”

Thank God, Kleinheider remembered to bring his fire hose, again.

I mean it. You people are sick!!!

One more thing: I don't know who did it, but somebody must have paid off the bartender to keep his mouth shut, because when I asked him how you people were about tipping, he said that overall you were pretty good. The lying bastard. Just for that, he got no tip from me. I hope you people are happy.

…and that’s exactly how I remember it.

Well, at least I think so, and then I blacked out from all the scotch.

…But…

Can anyone tell me how I ended up in Fritz’s bed…

The Ego and the Blog

2006-07-06T16:05:00.000-05:00

Quick survey, everyone:

How do you perceive of yourself when you are blogging? What are your intentions? Are you an informer, or a witness, a clown, a debunker, or a god? Me? I am a phreaky-phat carefree pla-yah in a jacked-up game without rules. Blogging to me isn’t about making sure as many people agree with me as I can possibly affect; not that that isn’t a valid reason to blog. But for me, blogging is about the participation. It is about fun.

Tag you’re it, Be-yotch!

What’s it all about for you?

Priorities Skraight

2006-07-06T15:22:00.001-05:00

This sucks. Making a living and raising a family is so over-rated. It always interferes with my blog time. For example, it turns out there is a blogger meet-up tonight at Wolfie’s downtown, and here I am reading about it for the first time today. Of course, there have been ample opportunities for me to read about it before now, but noooo… I’ve been toooo biz-zeee living in the “real” world to think about what’s really important in life. I am such a loser.

*sigh*
…Always the bridesmaid, never a bride… Am I right ladies?

Oh dear... What to wear, what to wear?

Ahhhh... I Needed That

2006-06-28T15:17:00.000-05:00

I am back, back from the Mothership and a short detour to Boscos. Now that I'm well lubed, both in body and spirit, thanks to the perfectly smoked rib grease and a couple of choice Boscos IPAs, I am golden, and ready to slide back into the cogs and grind away.

Yep. Sometimes you just have to grab the day by the balls and make it yer bitch, friends.

*faarrrrt*

What a Mothershippin' Day!!!

2006-06-28T11:20:00.000-05:00

There is only one thing that could bring this day back from the brink. I'm thinkin' it's ribs...

I'm leaving now.

I Think I Have Cracked the Code

2006-06-28T10:42:00.000-05:00

I think I have found the reason that we as Liberals and you as Conservatives are not able to connect. It all comes down to politeness. We Liberals are too damned polite. Well, at least the majority of us, buuut that’s not to say that Conservatives aren’t. Maybe they simply don’t understand what is happening around them. Here, let me explain it with an example.

I was in a casual meeting earlier this morning with some of the users of an application I maintain, when one of the users during a break in the discussion leans over to me and quietly begins telling me a racially biased joke about Mexican illegals. I shrugged it off, and although I made it clear by not laughing that I had not found it funny, I did not verbally express how offensive I had found it.

Situations happen like this everyday, and for the sake of keeping things professional and on task I have always left them unchallenged. But then, something very interesting happened.

There was another break in the business discussion when the same person who had told me the joke earlier, let’s call her the comedian, decided to share her feelings of disgust with the rest of the group regarding the recent Rush Limbaugh arrest. “Y’all, can you believe that nonsense with Rush?”

A woman at the end of the table was the first to respond, “Isn’t it hilarious. I can’t stand that idiot. I love it when a jerk like that gets egg on his face. Serves him right.”

Then the person next to her said, “What a moron.”

Then another responded in agreement and then another, then me. Eventually everyone but the comedian was having a good belly laugh at Rush’s expense.

The comedian, visibly stunned by this, responded. “Y’all he’s not that bad. Are you all that liberal?”

Me, “I don’t think you have to be all that liberal to laugh at that schmuck, but yeah, I’m pretty liberal.”

Then silence. Everyone had shut up. Having realized she was all alone in her assumption that everyone had always thought like her, the comedian no longer had anything to say. The rest of the group, having decided that they had overstepped their professional bounds decided to clam-up. They had to continue to work with this person, after all. I quickly, albeit uncomfortably, returned the discussion back towards the software application.

So, to sum up, maybe, just maybe, Conservatives, you are not in the majority in the way that you think you are. Maybe society isn’t slipping away from your ideals, maybe the rest of society is simply not barking as loud about theirs as you are about yours.

More Evidence of Colossal Ignorance Found

2006-06-23T11:31:00.000-05:00

Alberto Gonzales said today at a news conference addressing the indictment of "homegrown terrorists":

"They were persons who for whatever reason came to view their home country as the enemy,"

"For whatever reason"....?!?!!!!!

Just a wacky hunch, but maybe if this ditto-headed, stay-the-friggin’-course administration would care enough to redirect their tunnel vision for a moment and look into that reason, they might actually make a little headway into this so called 'War on Terror'.

Newsflash! Another Mothership Review

2006-06-16T17:42:00.000-05:00

This is my nearly week-late review of the Knucklehead’s Mothership. What can I say that hasn’t already been said except that it sucked, which of course, no one would believe even if it could be remotely true.

So, allow me to reiterate. Mothership rocks in the Q department, in the sides department, in the theme department, and in the friendly service department, but did you also know that if you bring a kid, any random urchin off the street, Knuck will shower the little brat with a fist-full* of suckers, Dum-Dums to be precise. Betcha didn’t. But it’s true. It happened to me last Saturday. I just so happen to have 3 of the little delinquents living in my house; and I had just so happened to bring one of them with me to the Mothership on my last visit. What do you know? Yes. I was in Dum-Dum heaven.

So, next time you’re in Berry Hill, hankerin’ for that perfect little sweet something extra after you’ve scarfed down some righteous pork goodness, remember to grab somebody’s kid, march right up to the counter, and demand some of those Dum-Dums. No joke, it is as easy as taking candy from a baby. Make sure he sees the kid, and Knuck will be delighted to oblige.

* Clarification...
It has been brought to my attention that, yes, even an adult may receive one Dum-Dum with his/her combo plate. However, you won't be sorry if you drag a rugrat in behind you. I continue to stand by my 'fist-full' claim.

I Didn’t Promise You a Rose Garden

2006-06-16T16:52:00.000-05:00

Three times; three times today I’ve gotten busted reading blogs. This, my friends, is why I don’t blog, much less post, as often as I’d like. Well, that and the fact that I am lazy, buuuut also because of husband and daddy duties, too.

For a while there I was trying to write something every night when I went home, but it didn’t last long until a) I found myself asked to help with bath-time, lawn-work, dinner etc…, or b) just plain didn’t feel like putting forth anymore effort than I pretend to give to my employers during the daily 8 to 5.

“But, Huck”, you ask, “What about the weekends?”

To you I say, “The weekends are mine, dammit”. I’ve got to get away from this keyboard at some point.

So, I guess this is my formal apology/excuse for not posting as I should. I know it’s weak, but it’s mine, by Jiminy, and if you can’t have some excuses in life, then darn it, what a stressful world it would be. Don’t you agree?

Slackers unite! Eh, maybe tomorrow, right? Well that’s just OK by me.

Since Our Last Chat...

2006-06-15T18:13:00.000-05:00

I...

Picked up another tattoo
Bought a pick-up truck
Lost my religion, but it's OK
Kicked the Adderall habit, again
Learned how to administer an AIX system, but...
Am still doing the same crap work
Am still looking for a new job

Welcome To My Nightmare!

2006-06-15T17:17:00.000-05:00

What? Are you friggin' kiddin' me? Could there be a greater gift from above?

The good doctor has, indeed, raized a monster for us this time, my fellow fiends. From the dark bowels of his laboratory the wicked Gangrene has invoked the most hallowed and frightening powers of Asgard, itself, for what promises to be the most surreal event of the season.

Sorry Chuckles, but fuck Bonnaroo. You won't find a trip this twisted at your local corner drum circle.

You see, I know the doctor (really, I've met the guy). I know what he is capable of. I've seen his work, and frankly it scares me shitless... that it's possible I could actually miss this event.

...But take courage in this, my good readers, Huck will pull out every stop (I said every one, dammit!) to make it to this ill-mannered orgy* of the deranged.
Oh yes, I will... be there.

* Be sure to 'Enter the Lab' once you visit the Doctor's site. There you can find the details of the show.

<<<>>>
Update:
I found this clip from the movie to be shown. Sweeeeet.

Update #2:
Please be aware, dear readers, that this isn't just a movie being shown. THOR himself will make an apearance following the film to play an entire concert, promising to shake the very halls of Valhalla itself. This, without a doubt, will be a full-fledged freakfest.

As if I Needed a Reason to Drink Tonight

2006-03-17T12:15:00.000-06:00

Swayt Jumpin' Jaysus! It appears that Huckleberry ain't Irish a'tall.

...
Stop the Lights! But Murphy damn sure ais!

So, who's up for droppin' down to the local, buyin' this Mick some'ah the Black Stuff, an' geh feck'n' bolloxed till we're arseways?

Slainte!

Here: You may need this.

Makin' my Way the Only Way I Know How

2006-03-15T13:04:00.000-06:00

I've found no other option. I went back on the Adderall today. Oh sweet oblivion, my wicked dominatrix, what be thy bidding?

Why I Still Have Problems Calling Myself a Libertarian

2006-03-01T17:03:00.000-06:00

Why? Why can’t I bring myself to assume the label, which may be the best one to sufficiently describe my personal political belief system, Libertarianism? Why? Because there are still so many who already do assume this system hypocritically, and I do not wish to associate myself with them.

More specifically, here is a short list of examples of what I consider hypocritical to the Libertarian ideal.

Is it a Libertarian ideology to believe that the government has a right to tell women what they can and cannot do with their own bodies?
Is it a Libertarian ideology to have the government mandate policies under the direction of one particular religious value system? I have no problem with Christian values. I do have a problem when they are the only ones considered, and I have a major problem when they are used to direct government policy. The original libertarians in this country would have had a problem with this as well; So I've heard.
Is it a Libertarian ideology to forever be apologetic for nationalistic and imperialistic foreign policies? Shouldn't nationalism and libertarianism be mutually exclusive to one another?

Look. I know I’m no political scientist. I’m just some schmo trying to figure out how to get a footing amidst all of the infertile fertilizer that is constantly getting shoveled at me. Libertarianism seemed to be fairly clear to me, I thought, but then why are there so many versions of it?

Ah screw it anyway. Personally, I like the Punk* ideology the best. You leave me the hell alone, and I’ll do likewise to you. If not, then you better run motherfucker… run.

So that’s it then. I’ll simply call my political belief system Punk. Good. Glad to finally be done with that. Hey? Anyone else up for a Punk party in 2008? Better yet, we can call it the Blue Suede Shoes Party.

Free beer and mayhem, everyone. I’m buyin’.

*More on this to come now that the dreaded February evil is finally behind us.

I Gotta Get Outta This Place

2006-03-01T15:10:00.000-06:00

Somebody... Anybody... If you are hiring, if you know of anyone who is hiring, please email me. I can no longer code this crap. Consider me your everlovin' freelancer for hire. I will write, no, Hell, I'll do just about anything. I am serious.

Hey. I've got a great resume, too. Please, if you are looking to hire, email me and I'll share it with you.

teamscarz@yahoo.com

Round and Round it Goes

2006-02-28T11:53:00.000-06:00

Well I swan! Evidently the party never ends around here, sportsfans. Sarcastro has tagged me with a book meme, and I’m finally getting around to passing this potato. Chin Chin!

[1] Name 5 of your favorite books

1. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig - If it’s ‘Quality’ you want, then it’s ‘Quality’ you shall have – all wrapped up in a handy dandy travel story, or ‘Chautauqua’, if you will.

2. The Dharma Bums by Kerouac - A polite fuck-you, Mr. Elliott, sir. For Jack’s life will not be measured out with coffee spoons. Nay! Let it be measured with empty port bottles, and wild naked roarings, and Diamond Sutra chantings and Diamond Sutra rantings. Rantings, chantings, and climbings. Chanting like madmen all the way down, down the downy mountainside.

3. The Illuminatus Trilogy by Robert Anton Wilson - The guiltiest of sick pleasures I’ve found. Oh sure fnord, Wilson is a Pynchon wannabe. fnord But aren’t we all? What Wilson gets is fnord the sickness. He taps into fnord the psychotic feeming tantrum of our spiritual quest fnord. He understands the paranoia fnord, and dishes it out to us fnord with musky gusto. Whenever I need a fnord good head-fucking wake-up-call fnord, I always reach for my IT. *Warning* do not attempt to seduce Discordia without the proper tools: psychotropics, monkey fur saddles, and/or pink alluvian fungi. fnord

4. Foucault’s Pendulum by Umberto Eco - Conspiracy is afoot, and what else does one do about it? Why, join the Masons, of course. Well, it’s what I did. Yes, this is the book that convinced me that I needed to look into a few things for myself. Unfortunately, the book was infinately more intriguing than what I would later find for myself. To me the best books are gateways to hidden worlds. This one is chock-a-block full of them.

5. Siddartha by Hemann Hesse – Sublime.

[2] What was the last book you bought?

· Mary Shelly’s: Frankenstein – ‘A little research now and then is cherished by the wisest men’…

[3] What was the last book you read?

· Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins – Have a hearty belly-laugh at the mandacity of death (and life), mortals. Laugh with me, and enjoy a beet or two, right along to the beat of each footfall in time… Great God Pan! Why the hell haven’t I read any Robbins before now!?!

[4] Name five books that have particular meaning for you.

1. Elric of Melnibone by Michael Moorcock – Actually, this entire series is what put me onto books. I read this entire series on a family camping/road trip from Birmingham to Yellowstone and back in the summer between my sixth and seventh grades. I highly recommend a steady thundering of early eighties death metal maddness as background acompanyment – most especially Iron Maiden’s Powerslave. Oh sure, I read plenty of other books before this one: here a little CS Lewis, there a Lloyd Alexander, yes even some Tolkein, but they were the recommended books, the books to read from the school library list. Elric was my first ‘real’ book. The book that I picked out for myself. …and I haven’t been the same since.

2. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Got Gumption? Get it! Well, I dare say, it helped me.

3. Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison by Michel Foucault - Because you can’t handle the truth. Yes, because it will always be constructed via the discourse with which you approach it, silly rabbit.

4. Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse - Somehow, it helps to know that there has been another freak out there just like me. Hesse gets me. He really gets me.

5. Thus Spoke Zarathustra : A Book for Everyone and Nobody by Friedrich Nietzsche - The Superman be praised! I am eternal recurrance. I am. All men. All women. amen.

[5] Three books you are dying to read but just haven't yet.

1. If on a winter’s night a traveler by Italo Calvino – Aunt B. recommended this to me, and I went out the very next day and bought it. Unfortunately, I was working on a couple of other books at the time. Soon, very soon.

2. Cloud Atlas: A Novel by David Mitchell – I started reading this last year and got sidetracked. I’ve got to get back to it. Mitchell is a historical chameleon. He is able, like no other author I’ve read, to time warp on a dime, and totally sans anachronysm. Genius. Oh, for more time.

3. The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell – I’ve been wanting to read this for years. It’s one of those books that is always at the back of your mind when you walk into a bookstore. I can never remember to remember it.

[6] Tag five people to go through this same ordeal.

Jon
The Knucklehead
Newscoma
Saraclark (yes. I'm picking on you)
TheoGeo (because I can't bear to lose you, Memphis)

Break The Chain And Burn In Hell

2006-02-20T09:58:00.000-06:00

Golly. Thanks, Aunt B, for the tag. Lord knows, I needed some more fodder to feed the Huck History Month monkey.

Here's how it works:
Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot. (1) (insert name here) (2) Hits from 'da Blog (3) Rex L. (4) Aunt B (5) Huck.

Next, select 5 people to tag.
Here are mine:
Jon, Mephistophocles, Saraclark, Mack, and the Nashville Knucklehead.

What were you doing 10 years ago? I was saving up to get married in the fall by working the most miserable job I can imagine – a lab technician in an animal testing research facility. I was also trying to finish college part-time.

What were you doing 1 year ago? Struggling to get settled in Nashville - Looking for a new house, starting a new job, etc…

Five snacks you enjoy:
• my Grandmama’s fried apple pies
• cornbread in a glass of milk
• Pickled okra
• Boiled peanuts
• beer

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
• Sweet Baby James
• Boulder to Birmingham
• The Gambler
• Me and my Bobbie McGee
• Sweet Home Alabama

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
• Quit! …and then…
• I’d read.
• I’d write.
• I’d fish.
• I’d open a Barbecue and Blues Brewpub.

Five bad habits:
• I drink too much.
• I procrastinate.
• I’ve got a bad habit of getting distracted by something else and dropping what I’m doing before it’s… Hey! Cool. There’s that book…
• Hitting the snooze bar.
• Blogging while at work.

Five things you like doing:
• Fly fishing/tying flies
• Reading
• Writing
• Cooking
• Running

Five things you would never wear again:
• Tyvec suit, respirator, goggles
• parachute pants
• a tie
• a tux
• a condom

Five favorite toys:
• my kayak
• my flyrod
• my fly vise
• my banjo
• my electric guitar

Where Do We Draw the Line?

2006-02-17T14:32:00.000-06:00

Riddle me this, free market capitalists. What do you do when a drug company, which has recently developed the closest thing to a cure for cancer, has decided to charge more than the average salary a physician makes annually for only one treatment with the stuff?

The pharmaceutical company Genentech believes it should be able to charge $100,000 a pop for it’s revolutionary drug, Avastin, just because they know that people, when struggling for their lives, will pay anything for it.

Is this an example of good fiscal libertarian values at work? What if I told you that much of the research cost for the drug was funded with American taxpayer dollars? In fact, on average 44% of all medical research costs in this country are funded by taxpayer dollars. Shouldn’t we have some say in how much these companies are charging for these drugs?

Interested?
Here. Have a listen.

Our Dear Aunt B. Needs Our Help, Kids

2006-02-15T21:45:00.000-06:00

That's right kids. Our dear Auntie B, the woman who has always come through for us in the past, is in a really big need of a really big blogger hug right now.

So c'mon, gang! Don't be shy. I know you can do it! Whatcha Say!?!

OK... Here goes... Everybody together now... Yes, even you in the back, little Kleinheider.

Let's do this!!!

I DO BELIEVE IN AUNT B! I DO! I DO!

That's the spirit, Gang!

I DO BELIEVE IN AUNT B! I DO! I DO!

Shout it like you mean it!

I DO BELIEVE IN AUNT B! I DO! I DO!

Give it all ya got!

I DO BELIEVE IN AUNT B! I DO! I DO!

That's the way to show your spirit, Krumm!

I DO BELIEVE IN AUNT B! I DO! I DO!

One more time!

I DO BELIEVE IN AUNT B! I DO! I DO!

Great job everyone. Give yourselves all a great big pat on the back for effort. Yay...

Ok. You can leave now, Mr. President. We're done.

No, no. The other door.

V for Vendetta or Bust!

2006-02-15T15:46:00.000-06:00

As you probably have already heard, V for Vendetta will soon be coming to a theater near you - March 17th to be exact. I personally, can't stop singing the 'Happy Happy Joy Joy' song.

For those of you who don't already know anything about it, this film is based on my favorite graphic novel of the same name, written by the bard of the genre himself, Alan Moore. Anyway, you want more info, go here for a decent review.

Yes, I know. Kick Ass! Right? Yet another reason for us all to wish Huck History Month was already... well, um... history.

The Steppenwolf

2006-02-08T15:52:00.000-06:00

In keeping with the all-about-ME spirit of Huck History Month, I’ve decided to let you all in on one of my most intimate aspects: my personality.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

Damn you Jung, and damn you Myers and Briggs. To think that the magic of all that is ‘Huck’ can be reduced to four cold little letters.

Here. Why should I be the only miserable specimen on the grid? Go ahead. Quantify yourselves.

*update*
I like this description better. Finally, right? I'm sure you were waiting with baited breath for it.

...I'm starting to really hate Huck History Month...

Get To Know Me!

2006-02-06T14:13:00.000-06:00

It is not my intention to show any disrespect to Black History Month, but a certain B. has convinced me to buzz a little about my self for a while. So, for the remainder of the month of February I have decided to share with you, Nashville, a random sampling of morsels about my most favorite of topics: little ol' ME.

Welcome to Huck History Month, Nashville!

Please, Enjoy!

The First Annual
HUCK HISTORY QUIZ

1. Huck belongs to or has belonged to which of the following organizations:*
a. Girl scouts
b. al qaida
c. Shriners
d. Masons
e. Greenpeace
f. NORML
g. All but a and b

2. Which of the following is something his cousin has done?*
a. He has blown himself up with a homemade bomb, and was hospitalized for a week
b. He lived and traveled with the Rainbow Family
c. He pulled a gun on Huck, Dr. Gonzo style, in the middle of an LSD freakout
d. He shot himself in the thigh, and was hospitalized for a week
e. He was once bitten by a coral snake, and was hospitalized for a week
f. He has blown himself up twice with homemade bombs, and was hospitalized for a week each time
g. All of the above

3. Which sport has Huck broken bones while playing?
a. Football
b. Rugby
c. Running from cars of which he has flicked-off
d. Weight Lifting
e. Chasing after his best friend, after Huck’s girlfriend looked up from Huck’s naughty bits and saw the best friend in the window
f. Running from cars of which he has mooned
g. All of the above

4. Huck has tried which of the following denominations:
a. Methodist
b. Baptist
c. Catholic
d. Unitarian
e. Presbyterian
f. Episcopalian
g. All of the above

5. Huck has tried which of the following religions:
a. Christianity
b. Gnosticism
c. Buddhism
d. Satanism
e. Scientology
f. Alcoholism
g. All but d and e

6. Which of Huck’s dogs was poisoned by an asshole?
a. Crockett, the good buddy beagle
b. Dixie, the motherly labrador
c. Annie, the psychotic wonder mutt
d. Cosmo, the clownish boston terrier
e. Socrates
f. Cleopatra
g. Wabash, the best dog in the universe

7. Huck has worked on which of the following jobs:
a. As a Computer Programmer at …
b. As a Plumber’s Assistant at a publishers printing facility
c. As a Lab Technician in an animal testing facility
d. As a Pharmacy Technician for a hospital and for a retail chain
e. As a telephone solicitor for the State Trooper’s Association
f. As a vegan terrorist
g. All but f

8. Huck has been which of the following at some point in his life:
a. A triathlete
b. A marathon runner
c. A banjo picker
d. A beer brewer
e. A pot-smokin’-hippie
f. A redneck
g. All of the above

9. Huck has attended which of the following schools:
a. High School
b. College
c. Grad School
d. Culinary School
e. DUI School
f. Another College
g. All of the above (but he only completed 3 of them)

10. Which term most closely describes Huck's political belief system:
a. Left Libertarian
b. Democrat
c. Classic Liberal
d. Anarchist
e. Centrist
f. Paleoliberal
g. He still hasn't found that label

If you answered (g) for the majority of the questions, then you need to put the phone down now, Mr. President. You already know too much about Mr. Huck.

*compliments of this lady.

So, I'm Leaving The Office Last Night And...

2006-02-02T09:03:00.000-06:00

...something out of the ordinary drifts across the sidewalk in front of me. Looks like cash, by God! I looked around to see if anyone had dropped it, and there was nobody. So, I picked it up. Holy shit! It's a twenty...

What Have We Done?

2006-02-01T14:13:00.000-06:00

Can you hear that sound? Some of you can while others with deafened ears still can’t. Unfortunately, the deafness is growing. For those of you who can’t hear it or rather refuse to, please allow me to fill you in. That sound you won’t hear is the din of coat hangers being sharpened; the sound of opportunist quacks everywhere dusting off their mail-order certificates. They’re salivating in their back alleys waiting for our daughters.

I know, I know, “Give me a break. Cut the dramatics.”, right?

Possibly. It’s possible that I’m overreacting to Alito’s appointment to the Supreme Court, and to the probable overturning of Roe v Wade. It is possible. But there is something else happening, which makes this appointment all the more tragic. There is a change in the air. The stigma is coming back, and it is growing.

You see, I’m hearing the argument that even if RvW is overturned, and the right to an abortion is given back to the decision of the states, and that even if Red States choose to deny the right, then there will be Blue States which will still allow it. Ok. Granted. This makes sense, if you stop right there. But, take it further. What happens to the overall social consensus on abortion? There has always been a stigma. What happens to that stigma when the majority of the states in the US decide to ban abortions? That stigma grows and it spreads. It spreads throughout the households of the Red States and deep into the households of the Blue States.

“So, big freakin’ deal”, you say. “That’s good news. That means less ‘babies’ being slaughtered”.

Wrong.

That means that the unborn fetuses of the women, who seek abortion, will be aborted more and more frequently by unlicensed shysters. In Red States it will happen overnight with each signing of a new law. In Blue States the doors may remain open, but the legitimate business will wane, as more and more covert business open their dens.

I happen to be very well acquainted with three examples of how this will occur. How well acquainted? I am related to all three: my aunt, my great aunt, and my first cousin, two of who had their abortions performed by unlicensed quacks, regardless of it’s legality at the time. The other, my cousin, had hers legally, but never told anyone about it until very recently. She contends, that at that age and under the stress of her circumstances, she would have had it done by any means available, legal or otherwise.

My great aunt had hers performed illegally in the 1960’s, when her mother drove her out of state, under the guise of a mother and daughter retreat. The mother carried the secret with her to her grave. The daughter, my great aunt, finally revealed the episode to her family when she found out she was dying of cancer.

My immediate aunt had her abortion performed legally; post RvW, but before licensed clinics had made their way into small-town Alabama. She, however, didn’t fair as fortunate as the other two had with theirs. Thanks to the benefits of unlicensed quackery, she became septic shortly after the procedure, and was soon struggling for her life inside a Birmingham hospital. Thankfully she survived, but the damage caused to her reproductive organs was irreversible, and although wiser and more responsible later in life, she was never able to have children.

These women were not sluts, but they did make mistakes. They didn’t make it a practice of sleeping around with everyone in town, they were once young and foolish, and because of their foolishness tried to rectify their mistakes by any means necessary. All people are young and foolish at some point. All people will make mistakes. People will not stop making these mistakes and they will always find (if they can’t find the most socially acceptable means) the most anonymous means of rectifying them, no matter what the risk.

By overturning Roe vs Wade we will not be solving the problem.

We will, instead, be perpetuating a stigma. A stigma, which will only serve to endanger and destroy the lives of those people who will make mistakes, regardless of any change in law.

Mission Accomplished

2006-01-26T18:30:00.000-06:00

Battle stations everyone. Enemy ships approaching.

'Nuff Said.

Let's Mix it Up a Little

2006-01-25T14:42:00.000-06:00

It’s always been a dream of mine to have a mixed party ticket.

And why not?

Yeah, yeah. I know. A process like this would make it impossible for a third party to run. Which competing party would win the privilege to run as their VP nom, right?

But this is my blog and I can create any dream election I want. Bear with me. This will get weird.

So imagine this: The top 2 most powerful parties, as determined by campaign contribution totals, must only be allowed to nominate their own presidential nomination from their own party. Second, they may also pick their own VP, but that candidate must come from the other most powerful party.

Still with me? Oh stop rolling your eyes, I know it won’t happen, but suck it up. We must press on.

So then, and this is where it gets really interesting, a third or fourth or fifth party…etc… gets the option to pick their own VP candidate from any party they choose. How cool is that?

Just how cool?
It would allow for other parties to move up and cycle through the ranks. It would remove the focus of power away from the Democrats and Republicans, all the while ensuring a more balanced administration.

For example, we could have a Libertarian picking a conservative VP candidate. Why is this so cool? Because first, this finally gives the Libertarians the voter appeal they’ve been begging for all these years. Second, this scenario would finally force a definition of the Libertarian ideology to the rest of the world and thus eliminate the confusion of whether or not they lean more left or more right. Ahhh, but wait. Therein lies the rub. The left and the right, it all comes back to that, doesn’t it?

No matter how hard we try to escape into our pigeonholes and dissect our positions, we always fall back into one side or the other of our most comfortable dichotomy, the left or the right. This is the ‘Why Not’. This is why this system would fail. This is why you people need to stop hiding behind your stupid, silly pseudonyms and call an elephant an elephant and a donkey a donkey.

Stop hiding from arguments with a quick jump behind your semantic smoke screen. “Oh, I never said I’m a Republican, I’m a Libertarian.” Yeah right, and the Pope subscribes to Mother Jones, too.

OK. I’ll admit it. I’m guilty of it too. I’ve said I’m a liberal Libertarian before, many times. Will I vote Libertarian when it’s time for me to bubble in my ballot? Fuck no, and neither will you, you lying hypocrite.

If you lean left then you are a Liberal, and that means you get your ass off the fence and get pissed about all privacy infringements and abuses of civil liberties no matter how big or how small, and that also means no matter how controversial. Get pissed about this administration if you’re unhappy about it. Guess what. The next 20+ years, your rights will be eroding. Why? Because we now have a right wing biased Supreme Court. Which means all those helpful civil liberties that you so easily take for granted will be challenged with the righteous intentions of cutting pork. So, yes, we’re already fucked, but please don’t roll over and let it slide on by. Get pissed. Rage! Rage against the dying of the light.

As for you Republicans in Libertarian clothing, I don’t really give a damn what you try to do. You’ve already got your own agendas. God help us if you have your way with them.

Oh, and by the way, Glen Dean, “Christian Libertarian” - I’ve never read Neocon written quite that way before. Very creative.

You Know What Really Sucks

2006-01-24T20:30:00.000-06:00

You know what really sucks balls? Trying to come up with something to write about that won't offend some of the bloggers you respect. It's no use. I must have written, erased, and rewritten about 15 distinctly separate topics within the past 30 minutes, and each one was no less bland than the crap you're reading now.

But, I've made it a goal for myself to put something down on this lousy piece of real estate everyday. No matter how lame, no matter how tired, no matter how drunk I get, this go must show on.

So, it's obvious isn't it. There really is no other solution. I've got to start pissing some people off. I need some enemies, or let's face it, this blog is dead. This nice guy shit ain't paying what it used to.

So it seems, the only question left is who will be my hapless victim...

Nah, not tonight. That's enough for now. Tonight I will sleep, for a good night's rest is exactly what I'll need to keep the blood up and the wits sharp. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be ready.

God help the poor bastard.

Night Night.

Huckles

My First Official Nashville Celebrity Sighting

2006-01-23T14:01:00.000-06:00

Michael McDonald in an Indian Restaurant

…booyah.

…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Introducing: The Huckmobile

2006-01-22T16:16:00.000-06:00

...my second most guilty pleasure...

Jump back! Gotta kiss myself! HAH! I am in luuuuvvvv.

This, my friends, is the brand spankin' new Toyota FJ Cruiser. It will soon reach our humble shores late February to March, just in time for my tax return.

The best part about this funk machine is the price. No joke:
Pricing for the FJ Cruiser will reflect an excellent value when it launches this spring. The FJ Cruiser 4x2 with a five-speed automatic transmission will carry a base MSRP of $21,710. Pricing for the FJ Cruiser 4x4 with a six-speed manual will be priced at $22,890 while the 4x4 with a five-speed automatic will start at $23,300.

...which is good news for me, since I'll be needing the extra change I save to spend on gas, oh yeah, and on therapy for coping with the enormous "liberal-guilt" complex I'll be harboring.

It ain't easy being me.

So, what's your opinion on the thing? Its styling is getting plenty of mixed reviews across the web. Evidently, there's no middle ground. I, of course, am leaning to the crazed stalker/whispering-sweet-nothings-to-jpegs end of the spectrum. What do you think? Am I obsessing too much?

My Most Guilty of Pleasures

2006-01-21T21:44:00.000-06:00

Confession time, people...

Ever since October, I've been indulging my most carnal desires. It began with a suggestion from a friend, and it took off from there. Since then I've surrendered fully and completely to its temptations, and strangely enough I don't care to quit. I'm not even sure why I tried to control my urges in the first place.

I know most of you don't want to hear this, but it's time for me to come out and let the world know the true me, the real Huck behind the mask. So, here it goes: Everyone brace yourselves, for I, Huck, am a flaming, head-bobbing, fist-pumping slave to Rock and Roll. That's right, I am a closet Metalhead, a Headbanger, and I don't care who knows it.

Whew! Thanks for listening. That wasn't easy.

I knew it from a young age that I was always a little different from the other guys I hung out with, but I always knew how to hide it too. While they bragged on and on about the latest Police show, my mind would drift to wild visions of a David Lee Roth roundhouse kick, or to Randy Rhodes bent over a screaming Flying V, his face grimacing, convulsing; his body heaving, heaving, heaving in an orgasmic fit of sonic ecstasy. Oh... oh... OH... RIGHTEOUS!

Most of my life since has been a lie as well, hidden in much the same way, most of it, that is, until this past fall. It was then when I met Ron.

Ron, unlike me was already out and in the open, proud of his metalness and not afraid to flaunt it. It was Ron who suggested that I go with him to the Yngwie Malmsteen show at the Mercy Lounge. How did he know I would be interested? Was it that obvious? Had I let my guard down? Was his Guitar-dar that good? It didn't matter. He could see right through my masquerade. He knew it immediately, and of course immediately, I said yes; just me and Ron and his Amp Tramp, Gloria, out for a night I would never forget.

The next morning I awoke with one of Yngwie's picks still gripped in the palm of my hand, my mouth tasting like I had spent all night felching, and the realization that I would never be able to return to the life I once lived. Never would I be able to return to listening to the Indie and Alt-country music I had listened to for years. I knew there and then who I really was, and that to be truly happy I need c..., I mean, I need ROCK!

Later that day I bought the following CDs:
Motorhead - 'Ace of Spades'
Supersuckers - 'Live at the Magic Bag, Ferndale MI'

As a matter of fact, I'm listening to Motorhead on my headphones as I type this.

My wife and kids still don't know.

Pray for me.

A Footnote: I sincerely apologize to any I may have offended with this tired attempt at satire. I truly don't mean to belittle other more serious circumstances.

You Sure Got a Pretty Mouth, Nashville

2006-01-20T21:44:00.000-06:00

I wish I new how to quit you, Lover. Alas, it seems I'm all up in your ass yet again. Infact, this January marks my official one year anniversary of being stuck here with you lovely people. So don't bother reaching for the ointment, it will offer no comfort from this here flair-up. Nope, I'm terminally yours, my fair city; together again, snug between the warm musky folds of this, our humble web-log made for two.

In other words: I'M BACK, NASHVILLE.

You've been warned...

...sorry, Sarcastro made me do it.
(the poor senile old bastard)

Play Nice

2005-11-04T17:02:00.003-06:00

“You’re Welcome… Jerk! You Got a Problem Saying, “Thank You”, Pal?”

That’s what I yelled at the guy as he walked down through the breezeway away from Pizza Perfect yesterday. He didn’t even turn around, he just kept on walking, the miserable putz. What unspeakable horrors could this monster have committed to send my usual mild-mannered disposition packing? What crimes against humanity did this depraved hooligan commit to invoke such wanton fury from my genteel countenance? Oh, I'll tell you what he did. He didn’t say, “Thank you” - the sorry bastard. That's what he did.

Yesterday, a friend and I went to grab a quick couple of slices from the nearby PP. My friend reaches for one of the handles on the double door, and through the glass we see someone struggling to get the door open while balancing 5 boxes of pies. So, naturally, my friend opens one side of the door, and I open the other to allow the pizza juggler to pass easily out through the door, thus ending his minor torment. OK. Did we get a "Thank you"? No. Did we get a nod of recognition? No. No, we get a look from this guy like we had been cutting trumpeting burrito farts all day at his mother's funeral.

What's the friggin deal? I'm seeing more and more of this crap everywhere - on elevators, on the road, in restaurants. Why, just yesterday John H also had a near miss with another such self-centered dufus, and John nearly paid the ultimate price for it.

Here's what I think is happening. People are allowing themselves to loose their empathy. I think it's subconscious, a self-defensive complacency brought-on by the layers upon layers of complexity each of us is forced to deal with in our ever-increasing busy lives. We can't cope, so we shut down. Think of all of the drugs, the cell phones, the yoga lessons, the ipods, the food, the personal trainers, the music, the self-help books, the TV, the cars, the movies, the rss feeds, the blogs. Think of all the crap we consume and escape into on a daily bases just to be able to get through the day. So, life becomes even more jumbled and confusing, and in order to make room, we drop the superfluous stuff - the stuff that doesn't give immediate relief to our stress - stuff like expressions of appreciation - the thank you's, the hand waves, the blinker signals.

But see, these things matter in the long run, or in the very short run in the case of the blinker signal. When we forget to say, "Thank you", to someone it's always easier to skip the hassle of doing it the next time. Eventually it affects our ability to give a damn about others entirely. We lose our ability to empathize with others. Then we, as a society and a nation, might one day rally behind a leader who'll start a war just for the sick hell of it, or money or whatever, but without considering the consequences for the people he decides we should invade.

Good manners are important, people. They force us to recognize the feelings of others. That's why I hammer it into my kid's heads everytime they ask for juice. "What do you say..."?
"Pleeease".
They may not get the best grades and they may get in trouble for cussing like little crack whores, but the teachers do say they have good manners. So, maybe one day, when my son is running late to his dead-end job, he won't forget to say "please" and "thank you" after he screams out, "Somebody hold the God-damned elevator"! Carry on, my wayward son. Carry on, indeed.

Open to All... Except...

2005-11-01T11:38:00.000-06:00

What is the purpose of a congregation? Is it to invite all members of community together, or are there prerequisites to membership? Apparently, the United Methodist Church has made their policy clear.

Oh no. I agree. It is the church’s prerogative to decide how they conduct their business. No one has a right to tell them how or what to believe. I’m not going to do that, but I’m not going to join them, either. That is why my family and I will no longer be attending the Methodist church we have been visiting lately. Not until certain hypocritical policies are remedied, and the United Methodist Church finally puts into action the true meaning of, “open to all”.

My family and I have been looking for a new church since settling into our new home. Since then we’ve visited Episcopal, Unitarian, Presbyterian, and Methodist congregations. Until today, we had been decidedly moving in the direction of sticking with the Methodist church - my wife’s preference, actually. I’m normally indifferent to most of the differences between the philosophies. Hey, I can believe what I want, wherever I want.

So, until today, I was copasetic with the idea of joining said Methodist church. But, then I read the news today, oh Boy, and suddenly one of those philosophies became more than a minor issue.

Now, I’m cool with a denomination separating and identifying itself with an idea such as Predestination, or the hows, whens, and whys of baptism, or how it defines and divides up the Trinity. Those ideas don’t bother me. I’m there to listen to a decent sermon and pray to the God I believe in. But, when a denomination prevents and even punishes its members for their sexual preferences - for loving the “wrong” sorts of people, I tend to take issue with that.

Come on people. How can prejudices like these help to serve God? How do they serve humanity? Do you really think God wants us to hole-up into elite social clubs, and wall-off those people that may not fit our criteria of initiation? Do you think Jesus would have turned his back on someone, just because that someone is attracted to people of the same sex? Do you really think he would’ve cared about their sexual orientation? Do you honestly believe that God is a bigot? I can’t believe that he is. I don’t care what is written down, or where it is written. I will not worship a God who is bigoted, nor will I support a denomination that believes he is.

So long, Methodist Church. Call me when you get over your hang-ups.

Where Were You?

2005-10-28T10:03:00.000-05:00

Where were all of the others last night? Where was Sharon Cobb, TheoGeo, and Katherine Coble. Where was Kleinheider, Abramson, Kerry Wong, S-Town Mike, Tman, Glen Dean, and Fritz? For the love of Borgnine! Where in the hell were the Caminos? Too busy playing grab-ass, I'll wager. ...and don't give me any of that Murfreesboro crap, son. I dragged my cold tired family all the way from Fairview to be there last night. I did. Ask Aunt B.

Who was there? Oh, just about everyone else that's all. So many, that I wasn't able to make my rounds to all of them, and of those I could, I wasn't able to say everything I wanted to. So maybe now I will? Yes. Indeed. Now is the perfect time to say all of the things I didn't have time to say last night.

To:

Chris Wage,
Dude, I was taken aback when you said your name was Chris. For some reason, I thought you were a different Chris. I tend to get disoriented easily in crowds, or it could have been the Guiness. But, it wasn't until the ride home that I realized that you were the Chris Wage of My Quiet Life fame. If I had realized it earlier, I would have told you how much I dig your style and political arguments. I daily enjoy sitting back and watching you take some absolutist's reactionary comment to the mats. I'll sometimes chime in from time to time to sneak in a cheap shot on your already weakened opponent. Yes, good times. Glad to have finally met you, now that I realize that I did.

Aunt B.,
You are the coolest, my dear. Su mind es mi mind. We es muy simpatico. I knew we'd hit it off before I got there. BTW... I interupted you last night on your idea to manage Sarcastro's political career. I've thought it over. Yeah, I'd totally do it. Fuck the ADD bullshit.

Sarcastro,
Two things:
1) Run for office. Clean fucking house. I'll help.
2) Found my ticket # in my book. I was "#263 in line to Make Love!* *the bruce campbell way".

Mr. Roboto and Rex Hammock,
Thank You!

Calling All Cars... Calling All Cars...

2005-10-28T09:51:00.000-05:00

...Be on the lookout for one Lewis Libby. May go by the name of "Scooter". Be Aware: Suspect may be armed with yellow cake. ...Scratch that. Rumors of yellow cake where false. Suspect is unarmed. Proceed with extreme predjudice. That is all.

...for now...

Some Much Needed Counter Weight

2005-10-26T12:15:00.000-05:00

...not that it'll make any difference, but here's to hoping...

My religious beliefs are my own. I don't share them with you, because they may not be yours. Likewise, I appreciate it when others don't invade my personal space* with theirs. So naturally it goes to follow, that I don’t appreciate it when the government decides to tell me how to behave based on someone else’s personal beliefs. That’s why I was happy to read this today.

No, I’m not an atheist, but I’m plum tickled that they now have at least some representation in our government, one which as of late has been heading too far down the “righteous path” of someone else’s own unique ideology.

Stealing a page out of Aunt B’s style book:
* The exception to this rule, of course, would be when comments are solicited, such as in a blog, etc. So feel free to blast away.

Can You Talk The Talk, Yankee-Boy?

2005-10-26T08:54:00.000-05:00

Will you wait to go rolling on Halloween night or go TP'ing on Devil's night this year?

Don't know? Not sure?
Well, it's time to put up or shut up, yankee-boy.

OK. Not really. It's just another silly online quiz.

So, were you Southern enough? Apparently I am: 84%, in fact.

Now where did I put that "No shit?" file...?

Thank You, Mrs. Parks

2005-10-25T21:39:00.000-05:00

Thank you for your dream.
Thank you for sharing it with our nation,
Our world.

Thank you for all of the people
I love and cherish in my life,
Of whom I would never have known.
Not without your hope.
Not without your courage.

Thank you for my best friend and fishing buddy, Charles.
Thank you for his beautiful and perfect family.
Thank you for allowing his children to play with mine.

Thank you for Ms. Nikki, my son’s favorite teacher.
Thank you for Sophia, my daughter’s closest friend.
Thank you for Maurice, my favorite running partner.

Thank you for Kenya, Vicki, Jason, Debra, and Toni.
Thank you for Michael, Lashana, Crystal, and Felicia.
Thank you for each of them.

Thank you for them all.

Thank you, Mrs. Parks.
For giving me the opportunity to know your people.
For showing my people how to become yours.
For sharing with us all your gift of Respect.

May we forever return the favor.

Thank you.

my Artificial Drug Dependency

2005-10-14T00:36:00.000-05:00

I’ve got issues. Yes, some would even say mental issues. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Go ahead, ask my wife. She’ll agree with that claim. Ask my friends. Ask any one of my past teachers and professors. Ask my shrink. They’ll all tell you that I have ADD, as in America’s favorite head-trip du jour, Attention Deficit Disorder.

What do I think? I think it is complete bullshit. Oh, not the part about having issues. There is little doubt, I’ve got those. Not the least of which include loss of appetite, stress, minor depression, and high blood pressure. All of which, however, were never actually issues before I was diagnosed with ADD; or rather I should say, were never issues before I was subjected to the environmental conditions which forced me to pursue an ADD diagnosis. I will explain.

It is all a matter of perspective. In earlier times the common discourse used to describe my nature might have included adjectives such as enthusiastic, spirited, worldly; and who knows, although I doubt it, maybe even erudite or well-rounded. I was born into this world a jack of all trades and a master of none. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that this is not the most productive personality for the young modern man who wishes do proud by the people he loves and respects.

I grew up under the blindingly brilliant shadow of a giant, my father. My father wasn’t always a giant among men. He came from the nothingness of the poorest of families from the forgotten nowhere of rural Alabama. From that nothing and with no help from his family, he worked and paid his way through college, where he eventually graduated as a pharmacist, but figuring he was still young he went back to school. Soon after, he picked up a PHD in Pharmacology. About this time, his first and only son was born, and he then realized that he had no other choice than to give his boy the best life he could possibly give him. So, my father enrolled into medical school and eventually became a Nephrologist, started his own practice, and built his own dialysis clinic. My father walked away from nothing and never once broke stride nor veered from his intended path. He is and always will be a giant among men.

My mother was different. Where my father, without fail or falter, stayed the stormy course, my mother was sometimes given to spontaneous fits of creativity. She would paint, and garden, and decorate. She was an elementary school English teacher. She was flighty and romantic and graceful. She was the perfect impish foil to my father’s interminable grit.

I am the child of both of these people. From them I inherited the most polar aspects of each of their personalities. From my father I inherited his tenacity while at the same time inheriting my Mother’s impetuousness. Together the traits fused into the strange hybrid behavior pattern, which causes me to hyper-focus on single subjects for extremely short amounts of time. It’s what I do. I engage in a particular notion with obsessive abandon, and this may go on for a day, a month, and one time as long as 2 years. But then one day, I’ll wake up bored, sometimes even sickened by thinking about anything related to my recent obsession. I describe myself as a serial hobbyist. You name the hobby, and I’ve most likely not only looked it up but studied it, engaged in it, and became a practitioner of it. For example, I moved from avid homebrewer, to banjo picker, to triathlete/marathoner, to Mason/Shriner (I shit you not) all in the course of 4 years time. The strange thing is, there was never any overlap in any of it. I picked up the banjo a few days after I got sick of scrubbing beer bottles. I started running a week or two after I learned 3 songs on the banjo. The moment a coworker convinced me to check out the Masons with him, I stopped training for my first Ironman. After Masonry it was on to screenwriting and short filmmaking, then fly fishing, then starting a novel, after that to canoeing, then back to the banjo for a short stint, and now to blogging.

Sure, I’ve got issues. This is strange behavior, I’ll agree, but are these stints into obsession characteristic of a mental disorder or simply the byproducts of an active mind in a world supersaturated with information and points of easy access. Is this ADD or is it curiosity?

Something else I inherited from both my parents is a love of writing. My father was published throughout numbers of both medical and fly fishing journals. My mother taught it. I do it constantly and never grow tired of it. I don’t ever stop thinking about it. It is the pure unrestricted manifestation of imagination, so there is never a journey’s end. There is never a pattern to tack a cliché to. The subject can’t be defined because it can always be rewritten. Because, once the wonder of discovery is gone from a subject, my mind walls itself off from it. With writing this can’t be done, because the subject of writing is as vast as imagination and wonder itself.

But, I was directed away from writing by both my parents. I was told that English, like all pure subjects, was not marketable in the job world, and well, they were probably right. But a person’s ability is his personality, mentality, and attitude; and if it isn’t in his ability to become an astrophysicist, then he probably shouldn’t take a lot of astronomy courses in college. The same goes for someone who is forced to change his major from English to Biology, because his parents think he would fare better in the work place with it rather than English.

Ironically, I ended up with a BA in Anthropology by the time I finally graduated. Strangely enough, I never used any of my college course work to advance in my current career. Somewhere along the way I became a programmer, because I could do it. Unfortunately, it wasn’t exactly the “true calling” my abilities could sink their teeth into. So, I improvised…

Another example believed by many to be indicative of behavior associated with ADD, is one’s inability to sit still and focus on one subject for at least the average length of time that a non-affected individual could endure. Can I do that? Hell yes, if the subject I should be focusing on is the one in which I’m currently and serially engrossed in. Could I have sat at my PC and coded Visual Basic non stop for 60 hrs a day for weeks at a time? Sure could, and I did when I was learning it and excited about programming for the first time ever. Was I able to sit in front of a terminal emulator all day a couple of years later, and stare at a monochromatic screen all day and code COBOL? Fuck no! I’d been there and done that already. Why the hell would I put myself through that kind of torture? Why? Because, I had a wife and a new baby girl to support, because I was now a father, and I had no other option than to take care of my family with only the skills with which I had been trained.

So, I tried. Everyday I would drag into work and sink down in front of that screen, and the letters and numbers would blur, and my mind would drift. So I drank coffee, and then more and more so, which did seem to help, but kept me so jittery that the coffee itself became its own distraction?

Finally I caved. People had been telling me most of my life that I probably had ADD, and that I should go and get “help” for it. I figured that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. My productivity had gone the way of the banjo, and showed no sign of returning. I went to the doctor, took the tests, proved disordered, and was prescribed Adderall XR once day for a month until I die.

Did it help me? Depends… It is all a matter of perspective. It improved my ability to code tenfold, and gave me the focal power of a zombie at a Neurology conference. Now I can sit here and code until either the cows come home or the drug wears off. So yes, it helped my ability to do my job, but it destroyed my creativity. My brain could no longer surge from topic to topic at the light-speed pace needed to write something interesting. It is a total 1 to 1 trade off of personalities. I either keep taking the drug and keep my job, and thereby, keep my family healthy and warm, or stop, and throw everything I’ve built for the past 9 years into the trash and be me.

Why? Why, the fuck, can’t I be who I am and have the life I’ve built, too? Why do I have to take a drug for a “disorder” that only affects my ability to perform certain tasks? Why the fuck, do I have to trade a fulfilling life pursuing something I enjoy for an artificial drug dependency, which raises my blood pressure and causes me to grind my teeth? Why can’t I be me without Adderall? Fuck that bullshit! Fuck that! I can, and I will!

I’ve been working again on my book that I began writing over a year ago. That’s one reason why I haven’t been posting much lately. With a little hard work I’ll finish it, and with all the luck in the world, a miracle wouldn’t hurt, I’ll get it published. Then I’ll start another, and it will get published, and then hopefully, others will follow, and I’ll be able to finally kick the Adderall habit, and then……

?

Bush Administration to Attack Oregon's Dignity

2005-10-05T08:46:00.000-05:00

I know I said that I wouldn't be posting for a while, but damn it, this pissed me off:

U.S. Supreme Court to Review Oregon’s Death with Dignity Act, October 5th, 2005

The Bush Administration petitioned the U.S. Supreme Court to review the case, formerly titled Ashcroft v Oregon, and now titled, Gonzales v Oregon, and the Court granted certiorari.

Are there no limits to this administration's megalomanic need to micromanage its citizens?

I guess we'll see if Roberts can make his appointer proud...

Update: Finally, some news agencies are starting to report on it.

My Apologies

2005-10-04T09:57:00.000-05:00

I do apologize, Dear Readers.

As of late, the real world has taken to shoving its ugly fat snout back into my own personal brand of reality. And frankly, there is little I can do about it but confront it. I do have to bring home the bacon, afterall.

In other words: I have been crazy busy at work, and this has been affecting my blogging productivity.

Sad, I know, but we must all be strong during these lean times. Take comfort, dear readers that I have not forgotten thee, that yea, this too shall pass. I mean, what the hell else am I going to do when things slow down again.

So, buck up, little buddies. Ol' Huck will be back with bells a-ringin and profanity a-flyin.

Until then, may that great-big-old-bearded-dude-in-the-sky keep the shit from splashing back at your assess.

Aloha,

Huck

Yet Another Good Reason to Lick a Toad

2005-09-30T10:09:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right, folks. Evidently, some of that freaky shit you experimented with in college may actually have some long-term positive effects. Maybe not enough to counter the costs of the resulting countless therapy sessions you've since had to endure, but at least, there may have been some health benefits gained.

It turns out that one team of Vanderbilt University Researchers never grew out of this experimental phase, and have thus continued their adventures with strange frog excretions; and what do you know, it appears that all of their hard work and bad trips may have finally paid off.

College campuses across the nation are continuing to spontaneously erupt into mob orgies in mass reaction to the initial report.

…
In a related story, Bernie 'The Fixer' Rickles, in an effort to increase revenues directed towards his research on finding a cure for his current outbreak of tongue warts, has begun increasing his "free sample distribution visits" to schoolyard playgrounds.

It's the Greenhouse Effect, Stupid

2005-09-28T08:59:00.000-05:00

What? Yet another study to support that nutty "Greenhouse Theory"?

Scientists are the ca-waziest peoples.

God is in the Details

2005-09-23T20:01:00.000-05:00

Why don’t they get it?

OK. One more time for the world:

Evolution is simply a process, not unlike the Law of Supply and Demand. If a population has what it takes to have enough of its members survive to the age of reproduction, then that population’s genetic material can be passed on to future generations. If of that population, those members, which survived, did so by means of a particular genetic trait, then that trait has been naturally selected for, and is thus passed on to future generations.

Overtime these traits are reinforced more so than they were in the past, while other traits, which may no longer serve any benefit to the preservation of the population, may not. Those traits that are no longer useful, and are no longer reinforced, will most likely not be passed on to future generations. So, over long periods of time and many many many generations, the process compounds, and consequently, so do the selected for traits.

Then finally, because of the cumulative preponderance of these newer traits, the organisms within this population may no longer share a perceptible appearance with prior generations. Perhaps toss in a few random mutations along the way, or not; and voila, you get a population of organisms with enough genetic variance, compared to other organism populations, to be labeled as a distinct species.

Sorry. There’s nothing mystical about that, folks. I do find it quite beautiful, though.

Unfortunately, there are people out there that feel the need to add something more to the process, to manipulate it, to direct it, to mutate it. They want to rewrite history; the way we came to be. I don’t know why. I can't figure it out. Maybe they enjoy playing God, or something.

Selfishness or Hopeful Optimism?

2005-09-23T10:03:00.000-05:00

Could the displacement of millions of New Orleans residents, due to the mass destruction brought about by Hurricane Katrina, result in the diffusion of its rich culture across the Southern United States?

This years’ New Orleans themed Voodoo Music Festival will be held in Memphis, featuring a large number of New Orleans based performers. If the reconstruction process of New Orleans stretches into years, and subsequently interferes with the city’s regularly held cultural events, such as Mardi Gras or Jazz Fest, could Memphis eventually become the recipient of New Orleans’ cultural inheritance?

Is it selfish of me to want Memphis to be the new home of Mardi Gras, or am I simply being hopefully optimistic for the survival of New Orleans culture? Yeah, I’m being both.

…But wouldn’t it be cool!

Hat tip to: TheoGeo and Mr Roboto for the Voodoo Music Festival info

By Whose Definition of Objective?

2005-09-22T16:09:00.000-05:00

CNN has released an article announcing that an inter-faith coalition has compiled a Bible studies textbook targeted for the public school systems. I’ve read the article, and it does say that secularists did contribute to the book’s development. However, the article never admits that the book delivers its message in a strictly secular context. Here’s what it does say:

The textbook follows detailed principles in a 1999 accord, "The Bible and Public Schools," brokered by Bible Literacy and the First Amendment Center, a non-partisan program of the Freedom Forum devoted to constitutional liberties. That accord is endorsed by seven major educational organizations and Christian, Jewish and Muslim groups.

Yet there is no mention of any endorsements by any secular group.

According to CNN, this is what the coalition has worked very hard to contend with:

The U.S. Supreme Court's 1963 decision barring schoolroom Bible recitations said that "the Bible is worthy of study for its literary and historic qualities" if "presented objectively as part of a secular program of education."

If this text truly has done that, then bully for its publishers. The Bible has played a tremendous force in shaping all aspects of our society, and should be studied for all its secular contributions. However, I fear that if and when this text is brought under the scrutiny of the eyes of a newly Bush appointed and conservative Supreme Court, certain biases may conveniently serve to blur some the book’s underlying content.

Be assured that I will be closely following this issue as it develops in the next few months.

God Bless Americana!

2005-09-22T10:34:00.000-05:00

Hey, is anyone out there headed to this besides me?

I can't friggin wait!

I'm a sucker for a good folk and blugrass festival. Here's to hoping this one will be a winner, too.

...Sounds like it will. Check out the line up.

Does anyone have any reports from this festival from previous years? If so, I'd love to hear 'em.

...Or even better, can anyone recomend some other great Bluegrass/Americana/Folk festivals for me? Nothing makes 'ol Huck happier than a good festival.

BTW... If you're ever down Birmingham way be sure to also drop in on The Acoustic Cafe. This had always been my annual haunt before moving up to the big Nashcity. I saw, heard, and sometimes hung out around the campfire with some of the greats while camping there: Sam Bush, Norman Blake, and Doc Watson along with plenty of other great pickers and good people. ...Never had a bad trip... If you ever make it down that way, be sure to say hello to Steve for me...

Psych!

2005-09-21T10:48:00.000-05:00

They ain't droppin no more...

...gas prices that is.

Click on the post title, "Psych!", for the reasons why.

Get'n Ready for Freddy

2005-09-20T13:03:00.000-05:00

I know it’s still early, but I don’t care. I love Halloween.

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, my wife’s too. No kidding, our house has been decorated for it since Labor Day. …No, not with all that creepy shit. So, don’t go calling DHS to come rescue my kids from our house of horrors. I mean it. If they ring my doorbell, I'll give 'em the “box”. I swear I’ll do it. Seriously though, I assure you, it’s all harmless - pumpkins and googley-eyed cartoon ghosts only. I promise.

For my wife Halloween has always been about the kids, the decorating, and the candy. For me it’s all about the costume. It’s all about my need to be someone else for a while –an escape, a regression to my childhood. For example, a couple years back I dressed up as the icon of my favorite band from middle school, ‘Eddie’ from Iron Maiden. Behind that mask for that one night, I was The God of Hell Fire ™, and Lo the mountains did crumble, and the seas did boil, and Yea; unto this little world Huck brought forth the terrible majesty of Rock! Rock… rock… rock… Then, the next morning I was back to my old self again with a shrunken ego and an enormous hangover.

Back in Birmingham, almost every year we would throw a costume party, and every year we would hold a contest for the best costume. When we didn’t throw our own party, we always made sure to attend one somewhere else. I always wore my favorite costumes to other peoples’ parties, so I have never won any of my own contests.

But, if I had to pick my favorite costumes that I have worn, I would first have to separate the picks into 2 categories, childhood and adult.

My favorite as a child would most definitely be Darth Vader. I think I wore it three years in a row, until finally, the area where the elastic band attached to my plastic mask could no longer hold another staple.

My favorite as an adult would be the time I dressed up as a TV evangelist, and my wife dressed up as a hooker. Unfortunately, I was mistakenly identified by some burnout in the crowd as J.R. Ewing. So, I’m not sure how many people actually got the real joke of it. Still it was a cool look for me – sort of a Rock-a-Billy version of Jerry Falwell, complete with snakeskin boots, a polyester suit, and big evangelist Brill Cream hair. Classic.

Now it’s your turn:
1. What was your favorite Halloween costume that you wore as a child?
2. What was your favorite Halloween costume that you’ve worn as an adult?

Enough About Me…

2005-09-19T12:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I’m afraid I may have run a few of you off with my last post. I truly hope not. It was a weird weekend, and I was handing out insults to anyone with a bellybutton. Today I am much less self-absorbed and important, and I’d like to apologize to anyone that I may have offended. Sorry.

…But enough about me. I want to hear from you folks.

I’m learning something about blog communications. People are more likely to contribute their comments when they are offered the chance to express to others certain aspects of their own personalities. More specifically, people love to list their favorites. When they do, they are able to define the aspects about themselves that they are most proud. We love to show off.

For now on, somewhere in between my other ramblings, I will randomly post a question with hopes of prompting y’all to contribute lists of your favorite things.

So… Lets get right to business with an easy one.

I’ve always had a fascination with comic books. When I was younger I would collect everything from Alpha Flight to the X-Men. Even nowadays I’ve been known to don a trench coat and some dark glasses and slip into The Great Escape for a quick fix from The GOON or Tom Strong, both of which I highly recommend.

Sometimes I still like to daydream about which comic book character I would like to be for a while. You do too. Don’t play. You do.

So, which is it? What super powers would you like to have for a day and why? What comic superhero is your favorite? Which one suits your personality better than others?

I’ll even start:
· I’d love to be able to walk through time.
· My favorite superhero is probably Dr. Strange.
· Hell Blazer/John Constantine probably suits my personality more than most, although, I no longer smoke, and I’m not half as cool.

But enough about me…

Ding Dongs

2005-09-17T10:18:00.000-05:00

Have you ever answered your front door to find that you are suddenly at a loss for words? What do you do when you hear a *Ding Dong*. Here are some helpful answers to some of those peskier questions:

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?

Why? Can he get us out of Iraq?

Have you found Jesus?

No. But I’ve found Waldo lots of times, but then of course he’s probably easier to find because he likes to wear red stripes. Jesus always dresses so drab. Don’t you think? Now Satan… That pimp’s got style, fo sheezy.

Have you let Jesus into your heart?

Oh no. Not again. Last time I invited that dude over, he got so lit-up he almost knocked over the ether jar in the meth lab. Hey! Watch out for that pelican! They work for the feds, you know. …I… I’m sorry. Did you want to come in?

Would you mind if I pray for you?

No. Would you mind if I let my gimp sniff your crotch while I warm up some lubricant?

Or…
You could bypass all of their questions.
I’ve found this technique to work the best:

To prepare, first find a shoe box and wrap it in brown paper. Then place it somewhere within close proximity to your front door. You want it to be accessible when you hear the first ring of the door bell.

Then when the wackos come-a-callin…
Open the door and hand them the box. As soon as you do, make sure you put on the most crazed look you can muster while folding your hands together in prayer.
Then in your loudest high-pitched squeal chant, “Alalalalalalalalalalalalalalah”.

Then kick back and watch the freaks scatter. It works every time… guaranteed.

So give these tricks a try, kids. But always remember, the most important thing is to have fun while you are pissing off the Religious Right.

Hope this has helped.

Now get the Hell off my lawn.

It's Time to Revisit a Classic

2005-09-15T23:01:00.000-05:00

'My president has a nickname, it’s D_U_B_Y_A…’

Remember when this jingle could be heard cracking on Carter’s leadership problems back in the 70’s?

Well guess what? The song might just have to be re-written again soon.

‘…cuz Dubya Bush has a way of fucking up the USA!’

Pledging Under a Different Power

2005-09-14T16:34:00.000-05:00

I’m going to surprise some of you who read this with my thoughts on this ruling; all both of you:

To be completely honest, I’m not crazy about this. Yes, I am all for the separation of church and state. Yes, I am all for keeping religion out of our public schools. But, I am also against federal mandates that suppress culture.

But, before I can go further, I need to reveal something about myself. Although my job title labels me as a Systems Analyst, I am actually more academically qualified to be conducting ethnographic field studies in the Amazon Basin. That’s right, I have a degree that rewards any lucky recipient with all of the qualifications needed to spend a lifetime of burger flipping. I have a BA degree in Anthropology. What I am really trying to say is, that I am a big fan of protecting cultural identities. Anthropology majors are hip like that.

This is what I mean, although all of these beliefs are not definitive of all students, teachers, practitioners, or fans of Anthropology:
1) I don’t like colonialism, or cultural imperialism.
2) I don’t like evangelism. It destroys culture and personal belief systems. Your beliefs are beautiful and sacred to you, but they may not be to others. Keep them to yourselves, please.
3) Subsequently, I don’t like the idea of missionaries, but I do love the Peace Corp, Red Cross, and other secular relief organizations. Why can’t people give their time and money to help people without having an ulterior agenda before they do? Refer to the movie, Black Robe, for a little enlightenment on this issue.
4) I don’t like “Big Brother”, and thereby I don’t like government-mandated restrictions upon culture.

Number 4 from this list applies heavily to my feeling regarding this ruling. First of all, counter to what the French may believe, we Americans do have culture. Our culture may not be as homogeneous nor as old as theirs by any stretch, but we do indeed have culture. Unfortunately, ours may contain things as grossly obscene as Micky D’s and The GAP, but for better or worse, they are still ours, damn it. So is the Pledge of Allegiance, and so are the words as they have been recited for years and adopted by our people.

I am torn on this ruling. I don’t want the mention of ‘God’ in the ‘Pledge’ to be the loophole that allows religion to slip into the ruling decisions of our government, but I also don’t want our government to force a removal of a cultural icon from our lives. To federally remove culture at any level is the more slippery of the two slopes. Therefore, I feel the only answer to this conundrum is to allow the words to be spoken as they have been spoken for the majority of their existence. This ruling needs to be challenged.

Hat tip to Brittney for the link:

Sweet Oblivion

2005-09-12T15:32:00.000-05:00

Fwop… Click… Fwop, Fwop… !

Hear that? No? I, sure as Hell, can. It’s the sound of my brain cells imploding one by one every time I change the channel.

…and guess what? I could give a flying fhuck less.

TV will do this to you. It will quickly drop your will to give-a-damn faster than… well, faster than blogging can.

So, it’s true. I’ve allowed television to sneak its ugly way back into my life; all weekend long, in fact.

Yep, ol’ Huck had one rip-roarin good time this weekend. There’s nothing like sprawling out on the couch, propping up the remote arm with a pillow, and letting the drool flow freely for 48 short hrs of sweet vegetative bliss. It’s more mind numbing than a double shot of Thorazine to a catatonic, but with twice the groggy feeling the next morning. Oh oblivion, where is thy sting!

Now, I want you all to know, by the way, that I didn’t fall off the wagon on my own. Oh no, I’d like to thank my darling wife for that help. You see, unbeknownst to me, I came home Friday evening to find that my house had grown a strange new appendage on the back left corner of my roof. At first I thought it might have been due to the effects of the buzzing power lines nearby, much like the weird thing on the neighbor kid’s forehead; but to my horror, I realized instead, that I was then and there the proud owner of a new satellite dish.

My wife can’t be blamed entirely for her moment of weakness. We had been cableless for the past 2 years when we had decided to cut our financial corners, and do away with all but the most essential utilities. Since that time, however, we both had kicked around the idea of one-day getting cable television again, but only on the agreed stipulation that we would never return to one of the coaxial providers. I had no idea that it would happen so soon, though, or that my new home would end up resembling the funny looking kid next door.

So once again I have my old addiction back to supplement my other self-destructive habits. With each new click of the remote and as each new tat on Miami Ink is applied, soon the world will start to slow down again as my attention span and short term memory become shorter and shorter… As my short term memory becomes shorter and…*Click*

…as my short term memory becomes… Fwop!

It's got me pegged

2005-09-09T15:40:00.000-05:00

The "World's Smallest Political Quiz" over at Advocates for Self-Government tells me I'm a Liberal/Libertarian with a Personal issues Score of 100%, and a Economic issues Score of 50%.

I think it's got me pegged.

Thanks to Aunt B for the link.

My Southern State of Mind

2005-09-09T15:38:00.000-05:00

I am a Suthner; pronounced just as it is written. I call myself this not only because of the fact that I was born and bred in the Heart of Dixie, or if I may: Sweet Home Alabama, but instead for the honest to goodness reason that it embodies the very philosophy I lived by.

What is the philosophy of the Suthner, you may ask? Well, Pa Perkins, I think, summed it up best in his Rockabilly anthem, Blue Suede Shoes, in which he declared his divine Southern right to bear whup-ass when ultimately confronted with the last straw. It’s an ideal we in the South hold very near and dear to our hearts. We are all for ‘live and let be’, but don’t let yer liv’n and be’n go so far as to piss us off.

Traditionally the South is a very easy-going place to live, but every now and then, and it is rare, something will rile us just enough to move us to action. That’s what it’s all about for me. I’m a laidback sort of guy who will be your buddy even after you’ve injured and insulted me. However, every now and then something will work its way right under a nerve; the nerve that pulls the trigger to the lid on my genetic can o’ whup-ass, and when that happens; whoa Nelly… the South will rise again, baby! Afterwards, though, it’s no big deal. I’m your long lost buddy from way back.

This same ideology holds true in my approach to politics and religion. Normally, I’m an easygoing Southern man who only wants to be left alone. I believe this is probably a very common trait, especially among older southern mindsets. (Unfortunately, we are all too familiar with the negative side of this mentality when it went off the extreme deep end, serving to create the Confederacy for more than one terrible reason.)

So, to sum up, I am a laid back Suthner: a “Suthern Libral”. I think everyone has the right to the “pursuit of happiness”. In fact, my biggest pet peeve, the one that tweaks that nerve enough to raise my Rebel Yell, is when someone enforces their belief system onto another individuals belief system. That, right there my friends, is when you step on ol’ Huck’s “blue suede shoes”.

For fun, here is a short list of some of the things that happen to fall under the category of stepping on my blue suede shoes:

· The push to impose Creationism into the science classroom
· The push to integrate church and state
· The Religious Right’s definition of marriage
· Basically anything the Religious Right believes

So, if I may say, in my most sugary Suthern drawl:

Y’all come…

Oh, What the Fhuck?

2005-09-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

"Oh, What the Fuck?" I've asked myself this very question with greater regularity in the past few months, ever since I moved to Nashville. Why? Because moving here marked the moment that I stepped off of the tangible firmament of reality and into the strange virtual fantasy of blogs. From that point on, like a schizoid junky jumping from taste to feast to taste to feast, I couldn't get away from my blog habit. Now, everyday I wake up pheeming for a new fix, wondering where I last commented, and how my responses might have been interpreted. Before moving here I worried only about what I needed to do at work that day. No longer.

It started with finding a news source to orient myself to my new community, to find some idea of what Nashville the town, the people, and the culture was all about. So I started reading news sites from around town. It was all quite innocent at first; checking the local weather forecasts, reading up on current events, taking in a few short band reviews, etc… And then… And then The Scene started PITW, the heartless bastards, and at the first maniacal rant on Intelligent Design I was hooked. Hooked like a fat-assed talk radio host at an Oxycontin orgy. It was the beginning of the end.

So, I started to comment, throwing in a quip here and there. Every now and then I’d link to a news source to support someone else’s argument. Quickly my comments grew longer. My rants became essays, and I began to research and follow the news and current events to levels so obsessive, that they would even shame a political advisor.

I got to know the regulars. Who already had blogs of their own and those like me, the barflies of the blogosphere, the blogflies if you will, who hung around no longer to simply lurk but to comment, and to comment often. It was only a matter of time before I would fall even further.

Soon the threads were dying too quickly for me. PITW couldn’t keep up with the consuming beast in my brain, so I started linking out. First it was to NiT with their sexy, delicious, and ever-changing aggregator. Oooh. I get the shakes just thinking about it. Then I started linking to personal blogs from the name links of individual posters. It took no time to become a regular at each of these new homes as well.

The frontier was endless and the blogs flowed like milk and honey. From that time until now I was one happy little junky.

…Until it happened. The first blogfly from PITW that I knew got his own blog. A day later stumbling down a blogroll from another personal site, I linked onto another former fellow blogfly now with their own personal blog. It was at that moment; I knew my time was up. I could never turn back. I could never go home again.

So, here I am today, and with this very post I both symbolically and literally come to terms with the monkey on my back, I hereby resign my efforts to curb my habit, and plummet headfirst into my full-blown addiction.

…And so it is done.

Let this be a warning to all who look upon my shame:
Don't make the same mistakes I've made.
If you’re out there lurking. You know who you are. If you’re out there reading this and haven’t yet begun to comment. Look away. No, run away as fast as you can from your computer. Go outside; maybe take a walk in the park. Pick up a book. Join a club with people that you actually interact with, face to face. Do it… before it’s too late.

As for the rest of you already in the blogging community…
Um, could you add me to your blogroll, please?

Thanks for your support,

Huck