Um, Bans Are Bad. M'kay?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am sorry, but it is obviously high time for a little tough love. A lot of my liberal friends out there are not going to like what I have to say right now, but this story** makes me want to force feed a bleeding heart to the first animal rights activist I smell.
OK. I understand. You are a good-for-nuthin’ hippy slacker like myself, and you are too lazy to read the article linked above. No problem. I can relate. I don’t hate you for that. No, I am fucking disgusted with your sorry sanctimonious ass for agreeing with what the City of Chicago has done. It is not cool, not in any fucking way shape or form to ban any fucking food on this here fucking planet. Especially, and I repeat, especially if it is good fucking food like foie gras.
I am sorry if the poor little geesy-poos are getting overfed. Truly, I am. I am sorry that their ripe swollen livers are ripped from their cute round yummy-nummy-tummykins and are substituted for potted-meat by embarrassingly pretentious housewives. But. I am not sorry when it is used by a skilled chef to prepare a divinely inspired plate of rich buttery goodness. Call me callous, if you will. I'll toast that sentiment with a glass of crocodile tear cabernet.
Seriously, what is wrong with you people? Foie gras tastes really really good, and not only that; but can’t you see that when you ban something, anything, you are no better than any other run-o’-the-mill slop-swilling fascist? I suppose veal is next, hmmm? Then we’ll return to the boiled lobster debate? Then what? Will we start banning all meats that were not duly “processed” by way of lethal injection?
A few tips, my fellow liberals. The reason why you are not finding a foothold in certain debates with the 3-headed aliens on the right, is that some of us, well really you in particular, pal, have our own 3-headed alien ideas.
Here are a few of them:
- Don’t tell people what they can or can’t eat. Enough said.
- Don’t tell people that animals can’t be tested. Especially when everything you have consumed, everything you’ve worn, and yes, everything you’ve used to prevent sexually transmitted diseases was tested and will continue to be tested with and by the animals you wuv.
- Don’t tell people where they can or cannot smoke. It only makes the Libertarians want to sit closer to your table, and honestly, who is ready for that nightmare.
- And, yes I am sorry, but please; do not tell people that they shouldn’t use animals in sports. Don’t get me wrong. Some banned animal sports are pure jack-booted evil, such as dog fighting, and bear baiting, etc, but the focus of those sports is to invoke harm to one or more animals. They are inherently cruel by their nature. But come on – horseracing*? No decent person wants those horses to be hurt. That’s why we invoke regulations on these sports, not bans. Besides, what would we do with the horses we didn’t race? Cook ‘em and eat ‘em? Just as long as we didn’t force-feed them, right?
Anyway, I digress, but my point is that bans like these are what give us liberals a bad name. This is the fuel that keeps the Fox News witch-fires burning. This is how they come up with those cute little nicknames that roll so easily off a redneck’s tongue. Duh… This is why we are losing so many of our sisters and brothers to the Libertarian abyss.
So, please, I implore you. At least think about it before you get behind something as silly as a foie gras ban. It really is up to you. Eat more force-fed goose today, because only you can prevent Ann Coulter from making the best seller list again tomorrow.
*My apologies to Brittney in misinterpreting her position on the animal sports issue. Her clarification of her position is explained within the comments of this post.