"You can do anything, but lay off of my blue suede shoes" --Carl Perkins

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Mission Accomplished

Battle stations everyone. Enemy ships approaching.

'Nuff Said.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Let's Mix it Up a Little

It’s always been a dream of mine to have a mixed party ticket.

And why not?

Yeah, yeah. I know. A process like this would make it impossible for a third party to run. Which competing party would win the privilege to run as their VP nom, right?

But this is my blog and I can create any dream election I want. Bear with me. This will get weird.

So imagine this: The top 2 most powerful parties, as determined by campaign contribution totals, must only be allowed to nominate their own presidential nomination from their own party. Second, they may also pick their own VP, but that candidate must come from the other most powerful party.

Still with me? Oh stop rolling your eyes, I know it won’t happen, but suck it up. We must press on.

So then, and this is where it gets really interesting, a third or fourth or fifth party…etc… gets the option to pick their own VP candidate from any party they choose. How cool is that?

Just how cool?
It would allow for other parties to move up and cycle through the ranks. It would remove the focus of power away from the Democrats and Republicans, all the while ensuring a more balanced administration.

For example, we could have a Libertarian picking a conservative VP candidate. Why is this so cool? Because first, this finally gives the Libertarians the voter appeal they’ve been begging for all these years. Second, this scenario would finally force a definition of the Libertarian ideology to the rest of the world and thus eliminate the confusion of whether or not they lean more left or more right. Ahhh, but wait. Therein lies the rub. The left and the right, it all comes back to that, doesn’t it?

No matter how hard we try to escape into our pigeonholes and dissect our positions, we always fall back into one side or the other of our most comfortable dichotomy, the left or the right. This is the ‘Why Not’. This is why this system would fail. This is why you people need to stop hiding behind your stupid, silly pseudonyms and call an elephant an elephant and a donkey a donkey.

Stop hiding from arguments with a quick jump behind your semantic smoke screen. “Oh, I never said I’m a Republican, I’m a Libertarian.” Yeah right, and the Pope subscribes to Mother Jones, too.

OK. I’ll admit it. I’m guilty of it too. I’ve said I’m a liberal Libertarian before, many times. Will I vote Libertarian when it’s time for me to bubble in my ballot? Fuck no, and neither will you, you lying hypocrite.

If you lean left then you are a Liberal, and that means you get your ass off the fence and get pissed about all privacy infringements and abuses of civil liberties no matter how big or how small, and that also means no matter how controversial. Get pissed about this administration if you’re unhappy about it. Guess what. The next 20+ years, your rights will be eroding. Why? Because we now have a right wing biased Supreme Court. Which means all those helpful civil liberties that you so easily take for granted will be challenged with the righteous intentions of cutting pork. So, yes, we’re already fucked, but please don’t roll over and let it slide on by. Get pissed. Rage! Rage against the dying of the light.

As for you Republicans in Libertarian clothing, I don’t really give a damn what you try to do. You’ve already got your own agendas. God help us if you have your way with them.

Oh, and by the way, Glen Dean, “Christian Libertarian” - I’ve never read Neocon written quite that way before. Very creative.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

You Know What Really Sucks

You know what really sucks balls? Trying to come up with something to write about that won't offend some of the bloggers you respect. It's no use. I must have written, erased, and rewritten about 15 distinctly separate topics within the past 30 minutes, and each one was no less bland than the crap you're reading now.

But, I've made it a goal for myself to put something down on this lousy piece of real estate everyday. No matter how lame, no matter how tired, no matter how drunk I get, this go must show on.

So, it's obvious isn't it. There really is no other solution. I've got to start pissing some people off. I need some enemies, or let's face it, this blog is dead. This nice guy shit ain't paying what it used to.

So it seems, the only question left is who will be my hapless victim...

Nah, not tonight. That's enough for now. Tonight I will sleep, for a good night's rest is exactly what I'll need to keep the blood up and the wits sharp. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be ready.

God help the poor bastard.

Night Night.


Monday, January 23, 2006

My First Official Nashville Celebrity Sighting

Michael McDonald in an Indian Restaurant



Sunday, January 22, 2006

Introducing: The Huckmobile

...my second most guilty pleasure...

Jump back! Gotta kiss myself! HAH! I am in luuuuvvvv.

This, my friends, is the brand spankin' new Toyota FJ Cruiser. It will soon reach our humble shores late February to March, just in time for my tax return.

The best part about this funk machine is the price. No joke:
Pricing for the FJ Cruiser will reflect an excellent value when it launches this spring. The FJ Cruiser 4x2 with a five-speed automatic transmission will carry a base MSRP of $21,710. Pricing for the FJ Cruiser 4x4 with a six-speed manual will be priced at $22,890 while the 4x4 with a five-speed automatic will start at $23,300.

...which is good news for me, since I'll be needing the extra change I save to spend on gas, oh yeah, and on therapy for coping with the enormous "liberal-guilt" complex I'll be harboring.

It ain't easy being me.

So, what's your opinion on the thing? Its styling is getting plenty of mixed reviews across the web. Evidently, there's no middle ground. I, of course, am leaning to the crazed stalker/whispering-sweet-nothings-to-jpegs end of the spectrum. What do you think? Am I obsessing too much?

Saturday, January 21, 2006

My Most Guilty of Pleasures

Confession time, people...

Ever since October, I've been indulging my most carnal desires. It began with a suggestion from a friend, and it took off from there. Since then I've surrendered fully and completely to its temptations, and strangely enough I don't care to quit. I'm not even sure why I tried to control my urges in the first place.

I know most of you don't want to hear this, but it's time for me to come out and let the world know the true me, the real Huck behind the mask. So, here it goes: Everyone brace yourselves, for I, Huck, am a flaming, head-bobbing, fist-pumping slave to Rock and Roll. That's right, I am a closet Metalhead, a Headbanger, and I don't care who knows it.

Whew! Thanks for listening. That wasn't easy.

I knew it from a young age that I was always a little different from the other guys I hung out with, but I always knew how to hide it too. While they bragged on and on about the latest Police show, my mind would drift to wild visions of a David Lee Roth roundhouse kick, or to Randy Rhodes bent over a screaming Flying V, his face grimacing, convulsing; his body heaving, heaving, heaving in an orgasmic fit of sonic ecstasy. Oh... oh... OH... RIGHTEOUS!

Most of my life since has been a lie as well, hidden in much the same way, most of it, that is, until this past fall. It was then when I met Ron.

Ron, unlike me was already out and in the open, proud of his metalness and not afraid to flaunt it. It was Ron who suggested that I go with him to the Yngwie Malmsteen show at the Mercy Lounge. How did he know I would be interested? Was it that obvious? Had I let my guard down? Was his Guitar-dar that good? It didn't matter. He could see right through my masquerade. He knew it immediately, and of course immediately, I said yes; just me and Ron and his Amp Tramp, Gloria, out for a night I would never forget.

The next morning I awoke with one of Yngwie's picks still gripped in the palm of my hand, my mouth tasting like I had spent all night felching, and the realization that I would never be able to return to the life I once lived. Never would I be able to return to listening to the Indie and Alt-country music I had listened to for years. I knew there and then who I really was, and that to be truly happy I need c..., I mean, I need ROCK!

Later that day I bought the following CDs:
Motorhead - 'Ace of Spades'
Supersuckers - 'Live at the Magic Bag, Ferndale MI'

As a matter of fact, I'm listening to Motorhead on my headphones as I type this.

My wife and kids still don't know.

Pray for me.

A Footnote: I sincerely apologize to any I may have offended with this tired attempt at satire. I truly don't mean to belittle other more serious circumstances.

Friday, January 20, 2006

You Sure Got a Pretty Mouth, Nashville

I wish I new how to quit you, Lover. Alas, it seems I'm all up in your ass yet again. Infact, this January marks my official one year anniversary of being stuck here with you lovely people. So don't bother reaching for the ointment, it will offer no comfort from this here flair-up. Nope, I'm terminally yours, my fair city; together again, snug between the warm musky folds of this, our humble web-log made for two.

In other words: I'M BACK, NASHVILLE.

You've been warned...

...sorry, Sarcastro made me do it.
(the poor senile old bastard)